"We must never tolerate outrageous solar conspiracies which attempt to shift our attention away from the nation's important business," Bush said today on the White House lawn. "We must decease and resist from spreading this fearmongerism."
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The president was forced to speak out after a blinding flash of white light enveloped the sky earlier today. A rapidly growing solar shock wave is now visible in the sky and it is estimated that all life on Earth will be destroyed by the end of the day.
The president went on to speak about high gas prices, and how the Democrats should allow more oil drilling to alleviate the problem. Leading Democrats later criticized Bush for his oil drilling proposal, and for his handling of the sun's supernova.
Political environmentalist, Nobel Peace Prize winner and former vice president Al Gore blamed the explosion of the sun on manmade global warming, but acknowledged that the climate change problem may actually be solved now.
"There may be a cooling trend now that the sun's gone," he said. "It looks like global warming isn't going to kill us after all. We got lucky this time."
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